Many people today have some understanding of codependency. This is what one web site says about the topic:
“Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.” Codependency often develops in families in which members suffer from excessive fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following:
- An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling.
- The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
- The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.”
I have been interested in the issue of codependency since the 1990s. I was influenced by Melanie Beattie and John Bradshaw in particular. The topic of codependency began to get attention in the 1980s. At that time, clinicians began to observe that adults who grew up in alcoholic households tended to struggle with particular issues later in life. Today we know that children are negatively impacted if a parent or caregiver struggles with any addictive behavior. I believe adult children of alcoholics/addicts struggle with low level trauma that impacts their self-esteem, relationships, and work life in particular.
Individuals who relate to life co-dependently often try to meet other peoples’ needs to maintain a sense of emotional security. When working with individuals struggling with codependency, my goal is to help them change behaviors to focus on their own needs and wants, while letting themselves feel the sense of loss and grief that often occurs when they stop focusing on others. By working through these feelings, my clients are able to develop a more effective and emotionally satisfying way of relating to other people in their lives.