Gay men often grew up knowing they were gay from a very young age. They report that being gay is about more than sexual orientation. They also know from experience that being gay is not a choice. It is natural. They will report that being gay involves their whole personality. I believe that many gay men experience some level of PTSD-like trauma as a result growing up at risk of being rejected by important people in their lives. Not only are young males who think they may be gay often afraid they will be rejected by society. They can also experience anxiety and fear that their parents’ will reject them. Having to hide who you fundamentally are has a disorienting effect and makes it difficult to trust others as an adult. Being accepted by the larger community is essential to a basic sense of well being. It is not surprising that many gay individuals struggle later in life with relationships. A sense of safety and basic trust is essential to building healthy relationships.
My goal when working with gay individuals and couples is to help them understand how their own life history and being gay influences their beliefs and feelings about themselves and/or the possibility for positive intimate relationships.